Knowing yourself may seem like an illogical discussion to have. For those of us who spent their lives tying to fit in, trying to gain approval, belonging and love, this is a central component in our journey of healing and self discovery.
In my previous blog I outlined the concept of ‘Know Thyself‘ and here we discuss some of the ways we turn towards ourselves, and open up to this new pathway.
One thing I noticed in myself and in my clients, is the tendency to be able to intellectualise or think clearly about a subject, however when asked, “How does that feel?” I found that the answers often started with “I think…”
One of my first questions to the self-inquirer is then…”How do you feel about…?” To ask this of yourself in every moment, before every action, after an interaction or action. This starts the process of getting out of your head and in to your heart or body. “How does being around this person make me feel?” “How does that action make me feel?” “How does this food make me feel?”
Obviously we need to do things at times that we don’t like to do. However how often do you find yourself doing things for the sake of pleasing others, when inside it makes you feel like crap?
Another great question to ask yourself is “What do I like?” Seems a silly question to the worried well, but to some, this question can leave the sound of crickets between the ears.
So what do you like? Or in the words of one of my clients…”How do you like your eggs?” It was down to this basic level we had to travel. After years of pleasing others and morphing into whatever another person needed her to be, she had lost her base sense of who she was and what she even liked.
If you do come up blank, a great way to explore this notion of “I like…” is to get a piece of paper and write a list of all the things you don’t like on one column, and on the other find their opposites.
For example, I don’t like having fixed 9 – 5 work hours. I do like a flexible career that allows me the freedom to get my work done, at a time and place that suits me.
I don’t like jokes that are made at the expense of others (many a truth is said in jest, so my grandmother used to say). I like kindness and respect.
These are two ways to begin to connect back to your true self. There are many more that will be discussed as the inspiration arises to write about them.
For now, try one or both exercises and let me know how you like your eggs.